Jake Says Things – Fast Food Sizing

When living in a society, there are certain norms that we have to stick to.  Once we’ve agreed on something, everybody has to stay onboard, because if you don’t, society collapses.

Casual restaurants are especially guilty of changing the rules, and somebody has to say something.

On this day, I will say those things.

  1. Fast Food Burger Joints – Let me be clear…  when I order a large fry and a large drink, that means I want the largest one you have.  If you’re going to have a King Size, or a Biggie Size, or a Supersize, go ahead and translate that on your side, and don’t involve me in the decision.
  2. Papa Murphy’s – “Hi, can I get a large pepperoni, please?”  “Would you like a Family Size for only two dollars more?”  Wait, what did I order?  I was ordering for my family; that’s why I said large.
  3. Starbucks – I don’t even know what’s going on there.  I realize this is an old joke; they have their own sizing.  But here’s why it’s not a joke…  go into a Starbucks and try and find those sizes explained somewhere.  You just have to know that there’s a venti, and I’m guessing a couple more, I don’t know, because they’re not on the menu, and I’m not cool enough to know.
  4. Taco Bell – Theirs is possibly the worst, because not only is it not-intuitive…  it’s counter-intuitive.  You’d think hot sauce would be their hot sauce.  But no, hot sauce is for wimps at Taco Bell, because there’s also Fire sauce above that, and Diablo sauce above that.  When I order hot sauce, I feel like they’re laughing at me.
  5. Red Robin – For their fries, Red Robin has a size that’s bigger than large.  What size is it?  Bottomless.  And Red Robin gets a pass for that.  Because what’s their largest size?  There Is No Size!

~Jake from 98.7 The Bull



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