Top 15 Dad Jokes of All Times! No, They are Actually Funny!

  1. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
  2. I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
  3. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.
  4. If you ever get cold, stand in the corner of a room for a while. They’re usually 90 degrees.
  5. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
  6. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
  7. George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie. Clooney says, “I’ll direct.” DiCaprio says, “I’ll act.” McConaughey says, “I’ll write, Apparently you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
  8. If you have 10 apples in one hand and 14 oranges in the other, what do you have? Really, really big hands.
  9. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
  10. A man walks into a lawyer’s office and asks, “How much do you charge?” The lawyer says, “$5,000 for three questions.” “Wow, that’s pretty expensive, isn’t it?” the man asks. “Yes,” says the lawyer. “Now, what’s your third question?”
  11. I took part in the sun tanning Olympics…but I only got bronze.
  12. How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
  13. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.
  14. Murphy’s Law says that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Cole’s Law is thinly sliced cabbage.
  15. I told my friend not to get too excited about turning 32, since her birthday party would be so short. “Why would it be short?” she asked. I said, “Because it’s your 30-second birthday.”
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