There’s A Girl Scout Cookie Shortage?

For real.  There are production delays on Tagalongs, Trefoils, the new Adventurefuls, and yes, Samoas.

Every person has their designated Girl Scout…  dealer, if you will.  It’s often the daughter of a co-worker, or if you’re lucky, a niece or somebody close.  But believe me…  even that girl…  your sure thing – your rock – your Girl Scout Alpha…  she don’t got the hookup.  The production delays are serious, and they are affecting troops nationwide.

Alas, Thin Mints are still available, so society is hanging on by a minty thread.  But should there be an interruption in that supply, expect the world to go full Thunderdome.  We will take to the streets within hours.  Nobody will be safe, and only the strong will survive.  Civility will collapse in favor of a trade-based society, shouldered by the early-adopters.  The ones who said “yes” when walking out of their local Safeway in the early days of the cookie supply will be royalty, and will distribute their treasures with absolute power.

The takeaway?  Hoard your stores of green-beret-distributed confections with all your might.  Sell your crypto, sell your stocks, sell your bonds; they’ll be worthless.  The only currency will be baked goods, and those with the supply will run the country.  Do what’s right for your family.  Be a baron.

~Jake from 98.7 The Bull